I knew the question would come up sometime, especially with these empire waist shirts I got this summer. I put one on this morning and if I didn't know me, I would have thought I was preggers too. The poor lady was the quesadilla lady in the cafeteria, and she was way more embarrassed than I was. So I put a jacket on for the rest of the day. And I'm going to refrain from wearing the empire waist shirts for a while.
I went home last week. My Grandma Ireland told me that I looked like I didn't weigh as much as I do. My Grandma Delaney asked me if I went on walks. Hee, Grandma D. would die before she would tell me I need to lose weight to my face, so that's about as close as she would get. And she may not have meant anything other than legitimately wanting to know if I go on walks. Grandma Ireland is very honest and blunt, she always has been, but more especially since her tumor. So I must have been wearing a good shirt that day. Too bad I don't remember what it was :)
I went to the rodeo and just felt uncomfortable the whole time. I sweat through my shirt in the front (probably in the back too, but I couldn't see it) so that was cute. And then I just felt...not like people were looking at me, but that I didn't want anyone to look at me. I felt the same way at the Renaissance Festival, especially when I was riding the camel:
Of course that doesn't stop me from taking pictures of myself. What it all comes down to is that I have lost my sense of personal comfort with my body. Physically I've felt like crap for a while, which is what prompted the whole fat camp thing to begin with. But up until two weeks ago, I did not really care what I looked like. Well, I cared, but I was comfortable with me. So here we have two challenges: lose the weight and force myself to go out in public. I can't use this as an excuse to become a hermit.
I will use my allergies as an excuse for now. I've called in sick twice this week because of them, and it's only Wednesday. They were really really bad before I left for home, I had to postpone my trip by a day because of them. So I got some Claritin to get me through, but I haven't taken it in a couple days. I think I'm going to go back on them. I used to take Nasonex and Allegra, but my doctor took me off those because of my mystery disease. We thought that might help. It didn't hurt, until now, when I think I'm going to die. I have been getting allergy shots for about a year, but I have had increasing reactions to them, so I haven't gone for a couple weeks. I couldn't do them when I was a kid because of bad reactions, so I guess that's still the case. Bummer.
Have I been eating well? Nope. Have I been exercising? Nope. The key is now to just do it. And I will! Not tonight. Probably not tomorrow either. But I'm thinking about it. Maybe this weekend.
:)
No comments:
Post a Comment